i can't remember the last time i was healthy and had energy. last night i freaked myself out considering the possibility that i may have an ulcer. this could be a total fabrication, and probably is, but weird things have been going on gastrointestinally lately.
additionally, allergies SUCK MY ASS! they are not as bad as they were in the fall, thank the lord, but they still suck. i am keeping puffs tissue company in the black, i swear.
i just yawned. seriously... i sleep for 8 or 9 hours every night, but i'm STILL tired every single day.
i'm just seriously unhealthy. i should go to a doctor, but i am super afraid of them. i'll just try to take my vitamins everyday. :)
i had a job interview for a summer job yesterday. i thought it went really well. the people were SO nice, i would love to work with them. and it would pay a ridiculous amount of money. i am desparately trying not to get my hopes up, but i can't help it. they said they would let me know within a few days. i keep rethinking the interview and overanalyzing everything i said. i was myself, but sometimes in interviews i think that can be a bad thing, as i tend to get irrelevant and rambly. it would be so nice to know that i got it and that i wouldn't have to worry about finding a job.
i desparately want this semester to be over. i have no idea how i am going to get this paper that's due tomorrow handed in on time. no idea.
i guess i should stop writing in here and go work on that.
oh! i decided that i wanted to take some sort of feminist theory class next semester, but there's no women's studies department at my school... so after some snooping i figured out that we're part of a graduate consortium on women's studies run by RADCLIFFE!!! and they are running a course in the fall on gender and globalization! i gotta get into that. that would be rad.

i've never known a love so true

so, not only did my dad like the boyfriend, but according to my mom, he said that we are a perfect match. this weekend was oddly perfect, even though it started off disastrously. going home always stresses me out... i feel like i have to be perfect for my parents, which is mostly my own doing, but partly theirs. example: i got us lost on the way home. my parents just moved in december and i've never driven directly to our new house from north of the city. the mapquest directions, according to my dad, would put us into too much traffic. so he gave me directions, but i got confused by one part when the roads weren't clearly labeled. as it turns out, it didn't matter at all, as we still got home in 4 hours, which was the amount of time it would have taken any other way as well. but still, my dad was yelling at me over the phone when i called to explain we were lost, so i was pretty out of sorts when we got there. i think i was just really nervous about my dad meeting him as well. but after i got home i calmed down a bit-- my parents gave us pizza and wine and then pretty much left us alone, because it was way past their bedtime... around 11pm. my mom must have mentioned about 75 times that i was sleeping in my sister's room and the bf could sleep in mine. i had kind of figured that was how it would go down anyway, but the fact that she kept saying it got a little bit irritating. still, it wasn't bad. so, the bf and i had thought about going out, but after all the getting lost stress, i was tired and just wanted to chill. so we watched "ice age"... yep, the animated flick. that movie is soooo cute, i cried like a baby the first time i saw it-- and guess what, he cried too. i sneaked a peak at him crying, but i didn't mention anything. there are lots of family issues in the movie and i can't help thinking that must be what he's thinking about-- his father passed away about five years ago under horrible circumstances, and he never talks about it, except for the first time he told me what happened and ended up crying in front of me for the first time... that was months ago. or, who knows, maybe i am projecting and he just thought "ice age" was a cute yet poignant film just like i did. anyway, it was nice curling up on the couch with him and watching a movie, but kind of awkward thinking that my parents were just a room away. so we went to our separate bedrooms and that was that.
in the morning we had breakfast with my parents, and then we went for a walk on the beach in our pajamas, even though it was raining. we stuck our feet in the water, which was probably somewhere around the same temperature as the air. then we kissed on the beach, wind and water swirling around us. i felt like i was in a movie. it was one of those perfect moments... even though i hadn't brushed my hair or my teeth-- which i think made it even better. it was this really private, intimate moment, even though there were a few people around out for a run or walking their dogs... it seemed like the beach was there just for us at that minute. then we went home because we were getting cold, and got ready for the wedding party. i was running late so we took our car separate from my parents. truthfully, this was the part i was most dreading-- my extended family is kind of insane, and i was worried they would give him the third degree. but actually, they were pretty nice and didn't do anything too off the wall. in fact, it all went pretty swimmingly. i decided that my bf is pretty much the most patient and easygoing person in the world, at least when it comes to me. he actually said he had fun, and liked everyone.
then we started on our road trip home in the rain and i got us lost yet again! i wasn't paying attention and we just passed by our exit. so we had to backtrack and lost about ten minutes. i was so upset about it. i am normally good at directions and i have no idea why i was so distracted. but he was totally fine with it and kept telling me it wasn't a big deal. it's strange, i think i was realizing this weekend that he really takes care of me. he totally calmed me down both times we got lost and let me know that there was nothing to be stressed about when it came to meeting my family. he was really perfect.
so we got back to boston and decided to cancel our plans to go out and see our friend's show and just watch a movie and chill out. even though we spend so much time together we're always rushed or he's always interrupted by work, so it was amazing to have a night together alone. we had the most amazing sex... not even the physical aspect of it, although that was great... it's almost like i was falling in love with him all over again. it was perfect. i think it just confirmed my belief that this is the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with. at the same time, it was almost like i was looking at him in a whole new way... like my love for him got bigger and better or something. i dunno, everything was right, just for a little while.
it was amazing.
now it is back to reality-- work and homework and life. but i had a long conversation with my mom, and she said that she and my dad really like and respect the bf and think we are great for each other. i think they could tell that this is meant to be... she even asked me if i was going to move back home with him. i said we were going to finish school and see what happens... but yeah, pinch me, i think i am dreaming.